AI Therapists: Self Reflection With AI
“I am not ready for this conversation.” We all know that feeling. The endless mental rehearsal. The anxiety building with each imagined scenario.
But what if I told you that AI could be your practice partner for both difficult conversations and deeper self-reflection?
The Power of One Question at a Time
The approach is remarkably straightforward. When you need to prepare for a challenging conversation or understand your own hesitation, start with one of these prompts:
“I need to have a difficult conversation with [person] about [X]. Asking me one question at a time, help me to prepare.”
or for self-reflection:
“Asking one question at a time, help me think through step by step why I am feeling [emotion] about [situation].”
The beauty lies in its simplicity. Each question creates space for deeper understanding.
A Personal Example: When Sending an Email Feels Overwhelming
Recently, I found myself hesitating to send an important email to a mailing list. A simple task, yet I felt inexplicably nervous. Using the self-reflection prompt, I discovered something surprising.
My reluctance had nothing to do with the email itself. The real fear was about what would happen after sending it. The responses would require me to step further outside my comfort zone. Through this questioning process, I uncovered that I was still carrying grief and loss from work-related events from the previous year.
This realisation was powerful. These were not valid reasons to avoid action. They were old wounds masquerading as current limitations. Once I understood this, I could send the email with confidence.
Why This Approach Works
The deliberate pace forces you to think deeply about each response. There is no rushing. No surface-level thinking. No AI doing your thinking for you. Most importantly, there is no avoiding the uncomfortable aspects of either the conversation or your own feelings.
Understanding Multiple Perspectives: Through targeted questions, you will develop a deeper understanding of the other person’s viewpoint. This is not about preparing a script but about truly comprehending the various angles of the situation.
Clarifying Your Objectives: What do you actually want to achieve from this conversation? Often, the process reveals that our initial objective needs refinement or that we have multiple goals that need prioritising.
Identifying Potential Challenges: By working through scenarios with AI, you can anticipate possible objections or concerns. This is not about creating counterarguments but about understanding valid concerns that deserve consideration.
Building Your Evidence Base: The questioning process helps you identify where you need more concrete examples or data to support your position. It reveals gaps in your preparation that you might have overlooked.
Refining Your Approach: Each iteration of questions and answers helps you refine how you will present your thoughts. The AI never tires of helping you explore different approaches until you find one that feels authentic and effective.
We often hear that breakthroughs are just “one awkward conversation away.” Sometimes that conversation needs to be with ourselves first. With AI as your practice partner, you can prepare for both external discussions and internal reflection thoroughly and thoughtfully.
The next time you find yourself rehearsing a difficult conversation or avoiding action due to unclear feelings, stop. Open your favourite AI tool, type out one of these prompts, and begin a more structured and productive process.
Remember, the goal is not to script the perfect conversation or find the perfect answer. It is about understanding more deeply. Each question brings you closer to that understanding, and with it, the confidence to move forward effectively.
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I use the term “software craft” to refer to the software craftsmanship movement that emerged from the Agile Manifesto and was formalised in the Software Craftsmanship Manifesto of 2009. The movement emphasises well-crafted software, steady value delivery, professional community, and productive partnerships. I prefer the terms “crafting” and “craft” to avoid gender assumptions. ↩
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Real understanding requires more than just finding relevant information. It demands context and the ability to see how pieces of knowledge relate to each other. This is where standard RAG falls short. It treats knowledge as a stack of random pages, not as a coherent whole.
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